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Inlaws and Outlaws: dealing with the family on your big day…
"It's your day! The most important thing is that it's what you both want!"
How many times have you heard those words so far? And how many times have you actually believed it? Sometimes it seems that the word "wedding" brings out the very worst in people. Family politics can make the best day of your life feel like a battleground, and all too often, in the struggle to try and please everyone, the only person you end up disappointing is yourself. Here are some of the most common wedding-day disputes and how to deal with them.
1. TO INVITE CHILDREN OR NOT TO INVITE CHILDREN?
Children are one of the big wedding-day dividers. While some couples feel that their day won't be complete without the full compliment of nieces, nephews, godchildren and other little ones in attendance, others prefer an adults-only affair: either because they need to keep costs down, or because they just don't want their day to be ruined by little Johnny's tantrums.
Excluding children from your wedding may not guarantee you a peaceful time though - at least not in the run up to the big day itself. Many guests will be very offended if they're children aren't included on the invite, and even if they're not, a totally child-free wedding can mean that parents who can't find babysitters may not be able to attend.
So, what to do?
One solution is to ask your venue if it's possible to have one room set-aside as a crèche. You can then hire a babysitter to keep the children amused while the adults are free to enjoy the party. If your budget prevents this, though, you may just have to brass things out. Whatever you do, if you've made the decision not to invite children, don't be drawn into discussions about it. It's your choice, and you don't have to justify it.
If people persist in asking about the decision, simply respond firmly and politely that you're unfortunately unable to accommodate anyone other than those invited - and stick to your guns.
2. CUTTING DOWN THE GUEST LIST
No matter how simple you choose to make it, hosting a wedding remains one of the most expensive things most of us will ever do. When it comes to deciding who to invite, then, it can feel a little bit like you're being forced to choose between your friends and family members, and deciding who makes the cut can lead to arguments and tensions.
In order to deal with this, it's important to set your boundaries at a very early stage, so decide how many guests you can accommodate and stick to that number. Don't be talked into adding "just one" or "just two" more. Keep repeating the mantra of "It's our wedding, and we'll decide who's invited", or tell your parents that if they'd like to invite additional guests, they'll have to pay for them.
3. RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES
Religious differences can be the hardest to overcome when it comes to a wedding. If you and your partner come from different faiths, or if one of you strongly prefers a religious ceremony and the other doesn't, sparks can start to fly.
If the differences are between yourself and your partner, they really should be resolved before you even agree to get married in the first place. If you and your partner have agreed to get married in a particular faith (or to have a non-religious ceremony) and your families disapprove, compromise can be tough. Ultimately, you may have to accept that you'll never be able to change someone's mind on religious matters. You can't please everyone, but you may well be able to please as many people as possible with your own choice of wedding followed by a religious blessing designed to please those members of the family who are off a different faith.
